Today Is A Good Day!

Whooooohooooooo! My treatments are over. Thank God....and I do. What a long couple of months it has been. Now, I've just got a couple of weeks and then my energy and stamina will be back to my usual busygogogo self.

Friday was a great day. Mom went with me to my last treatment, helped me carry cinnamon rolls, thank you notes and BE KINDER wrist bands for the people that have walked this journey with me for the past few months. There were lots of hugs and tears of happiness, sadness, and simple relief. There is a cow bell that hangs by the front desk at the center. Whenever anyone finishes their treatments, they get to ring the bell. What a beautiful sound that was...cheers and clapping. It was sprinkling rain when we went back out to the car. Mom gave me a beautiful little beaded bag that was Gram's and a gold ring with rubies that belonged to someone in the family, "something special to remember this day".

Mom and I went for Starbucks and then home where Christopher and dad were getting ready to paint the outside of the house. Miraculously, the sun came out. Mom and I went to a movie, picked up hamburgers for the painters, and spent the afternoon just enjoying the company and peace of the day. The house looks awesome, so clean, an "inside a Three Musketeers candy bar" color. We shared a spaghetti meal together and Dad's rhubarb pie for dessert. Awesome, awesome day.

Yesterday I had to go to driving school for a ticket I got on the first day of my treatments...how ironic that my class was the day after my last treatment. Lol! Sort of like a finale.

Then, the most amazing thing. When I walk the dogs, we look at birds and are fortunate enough every once in a while to see a quail or 2. I love them. Mom and Dad have tons of them in their backyard that they feed, but I have never seen one anywhere in my neighborhood. Late afternoon I was talking to Mom on the phone about how relieved I was to be able to get back on track, the driving school being done, new beginnings. At that moment, I looked outside and over by my palm tree what do you think I saw? Yep, a single quail. Can you believe it?! I really wanted to get a picture but was too afraid if I moved I'd scare him off, so I just watched him. He was pretty quick to hop through the fence and leave. I put out some food in case he comes back. Whether he comes back or not really doesn't matter (although I would love it if he did) because he served his purpose, delivered his message if you will.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Thank you to all of you who have been following this little journal of my journey with me and for all your thoughts and prayers. You can officially move me down on your lists.

Enjoy your day, and keep your eyes and hearts open. Who knows, you might be blessed by a metaphorical quail.

I'm Still Standing

Yes, I'm still standing, maybe leaning a little bit from tiredness but have a party on my toenails and my feet in the cool grass. When I first looked at this picture I noticed the shadow to the right. My thought was, "Hmmm, that is the shadow of the battle my body is waging against the radiation, the darkness that seems to envelope my energy and follow me everywhere, the veil of negative energy from the breast cancer itself." Then, as often happens, my mind felt a nudge as if a reminder. Perhaps the shadow is the presence of God, or Jesus, or whatever you may believe, standing beside me, ever present with me on this journey. Holding me up in a sense.

So, that leads to all kinds of thoughts if I let my mind wander. Where do I stand? What do I stand on? Who stands with me? It is a metaphorical question I realize, but one worth considering.

Sometimes I feel I'm standing or sinking alone in quicksand, an overwhelming sense of despair and panic seeming to push or pull me down. Those are dark times.  Sometimes I feel I'm floating in a haze of relaxed confusion, not standing at all. I don't feel the presence or lack of presence of anyone, but rather not really feeling anything at all.  Sometimes I feel I'm standing on a wobbly bridge held only by fraying ropes, staggering and struggling to get to the other side and yet not quite sure what I'm trying to get to.

Sometimes, probably most of the time, I'm standing on a firm sand dune with friends and family, some closer than others, some simply there without saying anything, others close enough to reach out and touch, and still others crowding me pushing close as if trying to make sure I know they are there. I feel warm. I feel remembered. I feel responsible. I feel thankful and blessed.

So, I guess the important thing is, no matter where you stand or who is standing with you, that you continue to stand...wobbly or not...and recognize the shadows for what they are and what they mean in your life.....and be thankful.

Only 5 more boost treatments to go! Friday will be a good day.

Where are you standing and with who?

Every Day Is A Good Day

It's been a while. I'm still here, tired but here. I've had 21 radiation treatments so far and am so thankful I only have to have 33 this time. Whoohoo! Funny how the treatments are so focused on my right breast and yet seem to be affecting my whole body and brain. I feel as if I'm in a fog a lot of the time. The doctor says it is because my whole body is fighting against the radiation. Oh well, no wonder I'm tired. In spite of the circumstances, there are little blessings all along the way. The people I see everyday are amazing and funny. I'm comfortable with them.

Anyway, otherwise I've been busy with Mom and Dad. Dad and I are going to paint the outside of the house. He is simply amazing in all the hard work he is doing with the preparation. We both love Home Depot! Christopher is almost all moved back in. He's going to get his bills paid off and move to a less expensive place closer to work. He's so smart about finances and plans. He's not looking forward to my constant "turn it down, clean it up, put it away" comments, but thankful to have a place to be. It'll be nice to have him around....for a while, she said with a grin.

That's about it for today. I'm enjoying the blessings and miracles that happen in my life everyday. The sun is starting to shine again and listening to the birds in the morning is a wonderful sound. Funny how sometimes they seem louder than others. Have you ever just sat outside and listened? I mean really listened? It's amazing how much we miss in the busy-ness of our daily lives. I'm trying to be more present in the moment and not think so much about what's going to happen next. I'm trying to appreciate those little things and recognize them for the impact they have on my life.

Enjoy the moment!