I'm Still Standing

Yes, I'm still standing, maybe leaning a little bit from tiredness but have a party on my toenails and my feet in the cool grass. When I first looked at this picture I noticed the shadow to the right. My thought was, "Hmmm, that is the shadow of the battle my body is waging against the radiation, the darkness that seems to envelope my energy and follow me everywhere, the veil of negative energy from the breast cancer itself." Then, as often happens, my mind felt a nudge as if a reminder. Perhaps the shadow is the presence of God, or Jesus, or whatever you may believe, standing beside me, ever present with me on this journey. Holding me up in a sense.

So, that leads to all kinds of thoughts if I let my mind wander. Where do I stand? What do I stand on? Who stands with me? It is a metaphorical question I realize, but one worth considering.

Sometimes I feel I'm standing or sinking alone in quicksand, an overwhelming sense of despair and panic seeming to push or pull me down. Those are dark times.  Sometimes I feel I'm floating in a haze of relaxed confusion, not standing at all. I don't feel the presence or lack of presence of anyone, but rather not really feeling anything at all.  Sometimes I feel I'm standing on a wobbly bridge held only by fraying ropes, staggering and struggling to get to the other side and yet not quite sure what I'm trying to get to.

Sometimes, probably most of the time, I'm standing on a firm sand dune with friends and family, some closer than others, some simply there without saying anything, others close enough to reach out and touch, and still others crowding me pushing close as if trying to make sure I know they are there. I feel warm. I feel remembered. I feel responsible. I feel thankful and blessed.

So, I guess the important thing is, no matter where you stand or who is standing with you, that you continue to stand...wobbly or not...and recognize the shadows for what they are and what they mean in your life.....and be thankful.

Only 5 more boost treatments to go! Friday will be a good day.

Where are you standing and with who?